‘We were sent to the slaughter’ After three years in the trenches, mobilized Russian soldiers share their thoughts on the war against Ukraine
In September 2022, Vladimir Putin announced a “partial mobilization,” drafting hundreds of thousands of Russian men to fight in Ukraine. Within a matter of weeks, Putin declared that the mobilization drive was complete. But three years later, he has yet to sign a decree to officially end the draft.
Many of those who were mobilized expected to avoid active combat and return home in a matter of months; draft officers supposedly even promised some of them as much. Instead, draftees have been killed and injured at the front in droves. While the Russian authorities have guarded the statistics on military casualties, a joint project by Mediazona and BBC News Russian has uncovered the names of 15,000 Russian draftees killed fighting in Ukraine — 42 percent of whom died in the first year after Putin declared the mobilization.
In a new report, journalists from the independent outlet Verstka gained access to private group chats of mobilized Russian soldiers who are still at the front, and interviewed several of them about life in the trenches, their views on the war, and their feelings towards their own country. Meduza summarizes the key insights from their reporting.
‘Everyone wants to go home’
Several Russian draftees told Verstka that they want nothing more than to return home from the front. “When the draft notices arrived, we were told that we’d be guarding warehouses on the border for six months. And we morons believed it. It’s our own fault and a harsh lesson,” said a retired police officer. “Now, I just want to return home alive. I’m not a patriot and I’m not dying to take over Ukraine. There are few patriots — and everyone wants to go home.”
Another soldier described his mood as “fucking exhausted.” He said he knew from the start that he’d be sent into combat. “It was plain as day — the front had collapsed, so they called us up to fill the gaps. I understood that perfectly,” he recalled.
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“At first we were told that we’d be gone for three months — six months tops. After six months we thought: a year is the max. But now the fourth year’s about to start— and we’re still constantly thinking about demobilization!” a third soldier complained.
Verstka’s sources speculated that Russia’s death toll is much higher than the current estimates based on open-source data, but they could not provide any confirmed figures.
“I’m mentally and physically drained. I have no more strength, emotions, or hope. And I don’t have faith that I’ll live to see the end of the war,” said a former mobile technician.
Writing in private group chats, the soldiers repeatedly exchange messages of frustration, comparing life at the front to a deadly game of “roulette.” Verstka quotes one serviceman as saying, “Who the hell wants to sit in the fucking mud for God knows how long — starving, without water, and armed like a tribesman in a loincloth — while they’re constantly trying to kill you with alien technology?”
‘I signed so I wouldn’t be sent into the meat grinder’
According to the Verstka’s sources, many of the surviving draftees signed indefinite contracts with the Russian Defense Ministry. However, nearly all of the outlet’s sources described receiving ultimatums from the commanders: either sign a contract, or go on an assault mission.
“At any given moment, up to 80 percent [of us] want to quit — the desire is definitely there,” one draftee said. “Many of us don’t understand why we’re supposed to want to sign a contract,” he added. “It’s not a privilege — it’s the opposite.”
“Everyone who didn’t sign a contract was sent to storm Malynivka [a settlement in Ukraine’s Kharkiv region]. Most of them are already dead. I signed so I wouldn’t be thrown into the meat grinder,” said a former minibus driver who has now spent three years on defensive duty.
That said, there are still mobilized soldiers on the front line who have categorically refused to sign, in hope of being sent home sooner than those under permanent contract with the Defense Ministry. “There are five of us in the brigade still holding out. We each have at least two kids and our parents are deep into retirement, but they’re pressuring us to sign a contract,” one said. “I’ve got three kids and a 70-year-old mother, and those assholes don’t give a shit.”
Asked why the Defense Ministry is forcing people to sign military contracts, one soldier replied, “The government’s afraid that many fighters will come back and start asking questions. But they’ll fucking come back anyway, eventually.”
“People are fleeing every day,” said a mobilized soldier serving in a military police company tasked with searching for deserters. He continued,
The general mood is such that few people condemn them. I think the main reason is family problems. People are truly realizing that their entire lives are passing them by — families are falling apart, children aren’t seeing their fathers. The longing, uncertainty, and hopelessness all takes its toll.
‘The country couldn’t care less’
The mobilized soldiers Verstka interviewed seemed to be growing increasingly annoyed with their compatriots back home, and increasingly alienated from civilian life. “The country, by and large, couldn’t care less,” one draftee said. “They’re living it up — only the ones [the war] touches get fucked. No one even knows where the front is. It all becomes clear when you’re on leave. No one is interested in the subject. All they want to do is drink.”
“I don’t even have any civilian friends left — it’s like there’s this hatred towards everyone. We didn’t just become like this; they made us this way. You’re wasting your entire youth here, and no one will even say thank you,” another soldier lamented.
In private group chats, the draftees complained about becoming “invisible” to the Russian government and the Russian people — and even blamed their own family members for failing to advocate for them. One soldier wrote,
At first — about a year or year and a half in — our relatives went to protests demanding specific timelines [for demobilization]. At least back then, there was still some talk about the mobilized, but now there’s silence. Maybe it’s time to start making noise again so they remember us? Because until our government gets a reminder, they’ll just sit on their asses. This issue needs to be brought into the public eye — and then there’ll be progress. As long as people stay silent, it means everyone’s okay with it all.
The former minibus driver echoed this sentiment. “I wish this would end soon,” he said. “I feel like I’m in The Hunger Games — like we were chosen and sent to the slaughter with everyone’s approval, and meanwhile others sit at home, screw their women, go on vacation, drink beer at the bar, and don’t give a damn.”
‘A permanent state of war’
Russian officials have made it clear that mobilized soldiers won’t be released from service until the Kremlin’s war aims have been achieved. But the servicemen who spoke to Verstka had varying understandings of what those goals are, and different theories about where the war is headed.
Using the Kremlin’s euphemism for the war against Ukraine, one draftee said that although he doesn’t personally understand the goal of the “special military operation,” he expects Russia to continue its invasion. In his words:
I’d suggest giving back all the territories and resigning — but I feel sorry for the people who are here now supporting Russia. They’ll probably face reprisals. So the other option is to push to the banks of the Dnipro River, draw the border there, and then spend the rest of our lives in a permanent state of war along the riverbank. Maybe that’s the best option for the people.
“For me, the end of the SVO [special military operation] means the liberation of the LNR, DNR, Zaporizhzhia, and Kherson — as was stated at the beginning. And as for the armchair experts yelling that we should also take Mykolaiv and Odesa — let them go and take those [territories] themselves, and send us home,” another mobilized soldier wrote in a group chat.
Others expressed willingness to continue fighting “until victory” — or even to fight in a wider war.
If everything we’ve been doing here for years goes to waste, a big war will break out, and then everyone will have to fight. Nazism is already being welcomed in Europe! Full-scale preparation for a big war is underway. That’s why I don’t understand how relaxed our society is. Everyone’s living as if their eyes are closed. It’s sad. There’s no peace, unfortunately. People only remember this when drones start flying over Moscow, don’t they? No one can guarantee that there won’t be a repeat of the mobilization — and honestly, I’m all for it.
That said, there were some who expressed complete disillusionment not only with the war but also with their country. As one soldier wrote,
I’m 42, and I had a wonderful life: a small business, a family, friends, and a strong sense of patriotism. But I lost everything, including my health. It so happened that I’d never been abroad and never wanted to go anywhere, because I love my homeland. But now I’ve realized that in today’s world, patriotism is punishable, and they don’t need us at all. People like us are simply disposable. They need the greedy, the corrupt, and the like. Honesty, decency, and principles have become downright dangerous. That’s why I often feel the urge to run far away from this madness, these lies, and this hypocrisy. My eyes have been opened — but we’re all still here.
Reporting by Olesya Gerasimenko and Anastasia Korotkova for Verstka
Summary by Eilish Hart