‘If the wrong person finds out, they might kill me’ Gay Uzbek men describe life in a country where their sexuality is a crime

I only told my best childhood friend, and it turned out that he had the same confession to make. We accepted [our sexualities] as a natural phenomenon. But since he lives far away, and didn’t get to talk very often, I experienced this moment alone.

My friends know about my orientation. My parents found out about it against my will and had a very negative reaction, so now I have to tell them that I was “fixed” and that I’m “on the right path” now.

I usually hide it, because if anybody with the wrong kind of worldview finds out, they could hurt me or even kill me. I haven’t revealed it to my parents, because they’re very religious and just wouldn’t accept it. I came out to my brother. At first, he was extremely disappointed. But after some time, he started joking about my sexuality, like he would ask if I like such-and-such man or not. Initially, I told him that I’m bisexual, because I was afraid to admit the full truth. Sometime later, my brother told me that he could support me, but not my partners and friends. My close friends also know, but they were more surprised than disappointed. I liked the way my best friend reacted: when she found out, she said, “And what the fuck about it?”

I told three or four of my close friends that [I’m gay]. At first, their attitudes towards me were unpleasant, but then they more or less made peace with it. I can’t tell my parents, because I’m afraid that they won’t understand or won’t accept me. Chances are, they’ll think I’m mentally ill; probably, they’ll either send me to a psych ward, or this situation will lead to [my] murder.

In Uzbekistan, there are social media groups [for gay men]. They can be divided into two categories: there are groups that are exclusively for dating, and there are groups that publish detailed information about various diseases as well as how to handle discrimination, stigmas, and so on.

There’s an open gay chat group where I post announcements that I’m open to meeting guys for both friendships and relationships. If me and a person I’m chatting with become close, I propose meeting up. But it can be tricky, since we’re communicating under conditions that make it difficult to trust one another. I had one situation where my neighbor, after he found out I was gay, started blackmailing me — he asked for money and threatened to tell my parents [if I didn’t pay him]. So I try not to avoid too much contact with heterosexual people, because it’s not safe.

I met one guy in the Namangan chat, and after that, two guys came over to my place. We just hung out and chatted, and then they suggested we go to their place to hang out and talk there. When we arrived at some other place, they told me that they were straight. They started threatening me, took my money, blackmailed me, and insulted me. They didn’t let me go until I had given them all the money I had on me. There was also one time when the guys I was talking to posed as law enforcement officers and tried to intimidate me with threats.

I face [harassment] practically everywhere I go: home, at school, at work, everywhere I’m forced to be. Discrimination takes the form of disgusting jokes and threats to do the worst things imaginable to us.

How many young guys have left their home country or, even worse, died in various ways? For example, pressure from their parents, loved ones, and friends? Or people spreading videos or photos taken by homophobes? [Or what about] punishment under the Criminal Code? And a lot of other things.

At school, at work, at university, and even at home. I’ve faced judgment, blackmail, humiliation, and awful psychological and physical abuse from my family.

I had one situation where I got stopped in the park; they were conducting a raid in search of gay men. Police officers checked my phone and found the group “Namangan Chat,” which I was a member of, and asked me to follow them to the station. When I arrived, they started asking me all kinds of questions, like how many gay men are in Namangan, how many friends I have, how many acquaintances I have. I told them I’m the only one. Then the officers told me about Uzbekistan’s laws, and about how it’s a criminal offense. I ended up spending a day in an isolation cell. After that, my brother came to pick me up.

One time, my partner and I were caught by law enforcement. It wasn’t because we were doing anything; they were just randomly checking everybody in the street. They started looking through the contents of our phones, and they found photos of us together; not even intimate ones, just ones where we were together. They threatened to put us in jail under certain charges, and we had to pay a bribe. That was the end of the story. But I’ve heard of some really awful cases in which the police used torture or organized sting operations in order to prosecute members of the LGBT community.

Ours is a Muslim state; religion carries a lot of weight. People don’t want gay people here and don’t understand them. Even if that specific article is eventually removed from the Criminal Code, the population probably still won’t accept [homosexuality] and will continue to behave the way they do now.

In my view, Uzbeks aren’t ready to accept the LGBT community. People here are religious, after all; they have an old-fashioned way of thinking, and they’re afraid of anything “different.” And they despise the things they’re afraid of.

Gay people are against the law, first of all, due to the political will of our government, because they don’t want to decriminalize being LGBT. Second of all, society is too conservative; they believe that the population isn’t ready for this. So in a context like this, the democratic reforms that we’re promised don’t happen.